Women who are dating after a divorce are often a bit older than the never-married gals on Match.com or other online dating sites. Since divorced women have been out of the dating scene for a while, they may benefit from these small tips.
Men’s Dating Profiles
No woman can ever really get to know a man through his online dating profile, however, there are some key phrases that require special attention and more investigation. Sometimes nice guys write the same phrases that jerks or slackers write, but nice guys don’t mean them in the same way. So it may not be necessary to delete a man’s profile because of one red flag. All women need to look at the phrases in context and decide if there is a pattern of problematic areas.
Some fellows have no idea what to write and just repeat things they have heard before.
Match.com is only one of many good dating sites, however all sites have similar sections where a man can write his biography and describe his ideal girlfriend. On Match.com the main essay section is called “About Me and Who I’m Looking For”.
“About Me and About Who I’m Looking For”
When reading a man’s profile, look to see if the fellow has written a long essay about himself and no one else. Should his profile be renamed “About Me”? Some guys really do not know what to write, but with other men, everything in life really is all about them and no one else. Look at the rest of the guy’s profile to see if there is a pattern.
Also, is there a long list of things that the man wants, or does not want, in a girlfriend? A woman should reread this section to see if the man sounds like a control freak or a perfectionist who can never be satisfied.
Possible Red Flags
Women should remember that they are trying to understand a man through his written words. It is easier for a gal to misinterpret written words than words spoken by a man who is right in front of her. However, here are a few phrases that might give away an irresponsible man:
- “I love to just hang out.” He might be broke. (Or, this phrase can also mean that he’s shy.)
- “I like to be spontaneous and ready to take off on a moment’s notice.” Will this guy take off when the rent is due?
- “I like to play pool and darts.” This sounds like a man who has spent a fair amount of time in bars.
- “I’ve done a few different things in my career.” This could mean that the guy is not successful or cannot keep a job. It could also mean that he has started a better job with each move, though that is less likely.
- “Just started a new job.” This may mean he is broke.
Here are phrases that have to do with relationships and a guy’s relationship history. Sometimes a man says more about himself than he knows.
- “I don’t like to play games.” He was hurt in his last relationship.
- “I’m easy to talk to.” He may want someone to listen to him and his problems.
- “I treat people with respect.” This means that he wants to be treated “with respect”, whatever that means.
- “I don’t want to possess or control you.” This often means just the opposite.
- “Looking for an independent woman.” He wants a woman who can pay her own way. He might be looking for a “mommy”.
Words and Phrases
Try to read between the lines. These are possible translations of what a man probably means to say. Some of these phrases are not necessarily bad.
- “Hardworking.” This usually means he’s blue collar, but a solid guy.
- “Fine dining / gourmet dining.” He’s blue collar, but he tries to please and impress a woman.
- “Baggage.” No matter how a man mentions this, it usually means he has “baggage”. (Everyone does, but what matters is if his “baggage” controls his new relationships.)
- “Excitement and romance.” This means, “Sex with someone new.”
- “Hopeful / hopeful romantic.” This man is just about to give up his search for a girlfriend. He may be willing to do more for you than some of the other contenders.
The phrases above are just a handful of hundreds of common phrases that men write in their profiles. And, remember that it’s impossible to know a man without meeting him at a safe and public place, like Starbucks.
While it usually takes a long time to find a nice guy online, they are out there. So, try not to overlook decent, solid guys who might not be “Mr. Excitement” but might make good, loving husbands. All women, who are dating after divorce, should look for these phrases and other patterns as they read men’s online profiles.